then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
Randomize
