remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
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