remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
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