Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
Do they fuck in the end of "Lady and the Tramp" or am i just wasting my time
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
Randomize
