Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
dude your alot more fun to hang out around now that your addicted to coke...but seriously you need to stop
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
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