I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
Ive been high since the plane left the ground in Los Angeles and Ive been in Chicago. Right now, Im on a train headed towards downtown to go to an anime convention. At this point, I am just taking life as it comes, furries and all.
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
Randomize
