i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
I can feel you judging me through the phone.
you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
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