three words: i give head
three words: not that well
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
Randomize
