Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
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I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
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