you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
Randomize
