my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
Randomize
