I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
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