Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
Why did my mother make you get naked?
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
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