I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
Randomize
