Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
Randomize
