my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
Somebodaw call 311 postw fire bunso on vietena floorwnkd
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
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