i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
two words: eviction party
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
Randomize
