I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
Huh interesting. Well thats too bad. Did he catch on?
I doubt it. After sex he sat there naked until the episode of fresh prince (which had JUST started) was over.
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
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