What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
Randomize
