I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
Randomize
