did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
well I can't set my house on fire every night
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
Randomize
