Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
Thank you, I really appreciate that. I know I couldn't participate in class tonight and I hope that doesn't affect my grade too much. So please let me know of any extra credit opportunities such as fellatio
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
What are your thoughts toward getting nasty in a minivan?
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
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