my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
Drunk is a universal language darling
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