Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
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