I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize