He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
Randomize
