do you think the kids from 7th heaven are mad that dennis and sweet dee are their half-brother and sister?
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
Randomize
