seriously iPhone. stop autocorrecting all my fucks into ducks. you're making all my strong worded texts look harmless and adorable.
I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
I'm thinking we should try to start remembering stuff we do. Althought I kinda like feeling like Nancy Drew the next morning.
More like the Hardy Boys cause its kinda like a team effort.
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
Randomize
