yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
White boys cant dance....we did an empirical study
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
Randomize
