i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
Instead of medicine they should just give ecstasy. Also I'm tingly and can't find u guys. A gay man just said he loved me... :( / :)
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
Randomize
