This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
But, the reference to being horny and then blending a banana is troubling
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
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