Text. Mid BJ. 8 points.
my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
Randomize
