I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
we're chasing vodka with high fives
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
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