got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
Randomize
