so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
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