i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
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