i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
Randomize
