There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
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