My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
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