This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
Randomize
