i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
This may sound mean but have u ever just sat in class and look at some of the the people and think how disappointed their parents must be
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
Randomize
