Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
Randomize
