oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
Randomize
