Doing final review now. Then epic shit. Then going to take it. Should start it be 1030. Done by 2. Drunk by 3. Hammered by 4. Blacked out by 5. Streaking by 6. Jail sometime after that
I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
Shes from jersey what did you expect her to say when you asked her if she did coke? Its like asking some1 from a third world country if they are hungry
You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
Randomize
