Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
Randomize
