I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
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