when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
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