She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
Randomize
