Dude ur right that IS what a vagina looks like!
Do everybody a favor and GET LAID MORE.
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
Randomize
