When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
Randomize
