There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
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