about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
Randomize
