i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is this like a preordered booty call?
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
Randomize