things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
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