yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
Randomize
