never play flip cup with pint glasses
yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
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