U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
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