I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
I take back everything I said about communal showers
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
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