found the other keg... it's in the tree
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
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