goodnight i made you a song goodbye
I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
Randomize
