I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
where does the pee come out of this thing
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
Randomize
