I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
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