Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
Randomize
