i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
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