Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
I seem to have left my pride at pride
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
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