Just made out with a pet sitter. His biz card says "even hamsters". Lowest point in my life.
Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
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